In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
