Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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