So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
