definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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