i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
