billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
