And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
