i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
