We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
