Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I still have a little drunk in my system
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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