Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
