i think my tv is drunk
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
