And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
