wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
