All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
