I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
