so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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