I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
