We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
