Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
