Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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