Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
