Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
