my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
