am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
