Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
