i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im holly from the hills drunk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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