...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
