Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
