I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
