everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
