toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
