JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
