Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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