woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
