I think my vagina is haunted
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
