thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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