Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
