You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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