you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
