i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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