there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
