I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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