Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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