why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
