Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
