Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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