best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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