we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
