Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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