My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
