woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
