so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
