I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
